Miriam, you're doing it wrong

*** oh my god. I wrote this so long ago and never published it! So long, in fact, I refer to Miriam as 1 year old and none of this is still true! whoops! well enjoy. I don't think the story has a shelf life. Should still be good, if not a bit stale ***

Miriam is so so so brilliant. She's clever; does very well communicating her wants and needs; easy to understand; patient about her limitations. She's seriously an exceptional child (says the mother) and I hope everyone reading this can be lucky enough to interact with her beautiful personality. 

But. But. She's still a one year old and doesn't quite grasp why or how we do the things she sees us doing. And so she's often doing them wrong. 

Here's a list of examples I've compiled, addressed to Miriam. 

Miriam, my love, You're Doing It Wrong

Using an umbrella: Get under the umbrella. Under. 

Trying to climb over the back of the couch: You feel you need to start from a lie down position on the seat cushions and climb your toes up first. Entertaining and painful to watch. And slow. So slow. 

Using binoculars: No. No. Just no. Backwards and pointed into the couch with your eyes sealed shut.

Sleeping: anywhere but here my dear

Playing with the dollhouse: No it's not your house. 

Giving baby a hug: Looks like choking. Probably feels like it too. 

Eating pizza: starts from the mid point, upside down.

Applying lip balm: you missed your lips but got your eyeballs. Impressive.

Saying Cheese

Washing your hands

Eating yogurt: that's Princess Amber, upside down, serving as your spoon. 

*the post ends here like this. I'm going to leave it as is. I'm sure I was waiting for Miriam to screw up some other simple task and provide more content for the post. And while I'm sure she did do that, I completely forgot what I was doing and here we are. xo