Miriam, you're doing it wrong

*** oh my god. I wrote this so long ago and never published it! So long, in fact, I refer to Miriam as 1 year old and none of this is still true! whoops! well enjoy. I don't think the story has a shelf life. Should still be good, if not a bit stale ***

Miriam is so so so brilliant. She's clever; does very well communicating her wants and needs; easy to understand; patient about her limitations. She's seriously an exceptional child (says the mother) and I hope everyone reading this can be lucky enough to interact with her beautiful personality. 

But. But. She's still a one year old and doesn't quite grasp why or how we do the things she sees us doing. And so she's often doing them wrong. 

Here's a list of examples I've compiled, addressed to Miriam. 

Miriam, my love, You're Doing It Wrong

Using an umbrella: Get under the umbrella. Under. 

Trying to climb over the back of the couch: You feel you need to start from a lie down position on the seat cushions and climb your toes up first. Entertaining and painful to watch. And slow. So slow. 

Using binoculars: No. No. Just no. Backwards and pointed into the couch with your eyes sealed shut.

Sleeping: anywhere but here my dear

Playing with the dollhouse: No it's not your house. 

Giving baby a hug: Looks like choking. Probably feels like it too. 

Eating pizza: starts from the mid point, upside down.

Applying lip balm: you missed your lips but got your eyeballs. Impressive.

Saying Cheese

Washing your hands

Eating yogurt: that's Princess Amber, upside down, serving as your spoon. 

*the post ends here like this. I'm going to leave it as is. I'm sure I was waiting for Miriam to screw up some other simple task and provide more content for the post. And while I'm sure she did do that, I completely forgot what I was doing and here we are. xo

My Daughter Looks Like Alan Jackson

A Note: This post was written a long time ago for another blog. A blog with a tasteless name according to my parents. A blog that shall not be named. I've moved it over to Georgina and Miriam to share with more people. And because my kids aren't really generating much content this week so I'm forced to recycle. Enjoy! Or if you read it already on that other seedy blog, enjoy again!

Georgina has had some rotten luck in the hair department.

She started off with very little, resembling George Costanza. Look at all that forehead. We still call her George to this day.

just terrible....
And when it finally did come in it resembled more and more like a country singer's bad haircut.... at least it wasn't George Costanza??

Dead ringer for Keith Urban

The Billy Ray period was brief but no less disconcerting

And finally her metamorphosis was complete when she reached Alan Jackson, circa Chattahoochee, level. (This description was first made by my sister. Sorry G, blame Auntie Morgan).
The worst part about all this is Alan Jackson, circa Chattahoochee, wasn't the low point. The low point came when she was having a bangs-in-her-face problem so I brought her to the hair dresser and with all her talents, the hair dresser did this

Blunt cut across her forehead from ear to ear. Nice. Let's get a better look.

Jagged and uneven. 

Look at that depth. She literally gets it halfway to the back of G's head. And don't think this was a twitchy toddlers fault. My daughter is close to impossible on almost all matters but she behaves like an angel when in a barber's chair. Probably something to do with a complete stranger holding a weapon-like object up to her face....

To resolve this problem we resorted to this

Ya, that oughta do it.

**Update: Since this post Georgina has had better luck in the hair department and for the most part has a pretty stylish coiffe.... for the most part.